Friday, 5 May 2006


Goodness, I know that in my professional life I am responsible for some vacuous consultese sometimes, but how often do we have to read things like this these days? If I take out the few unique identifiers from the two paragraphs below, then this could be used for anything:
[Mr X] added that [The Company] was not phased by South Africa's 52 600 registered [others] and was well positioned to rise above its competitors with a unique operating platform that combines powerful international branding with service delivery and a ground-breaking approach to marketing and franchisee support. At the same time, [The Company] would also contribute to raising professional standards within the [...] industry.

He pointed out that [The Company] was not only recognized as the world's largest [...] brand and franchise, but also closely connected with skills development via sophisticated international courses that were backed up by mentoring, coaching and ongoing education. He said this would add significant value to the South African [...] sector as a whole.
It's about property and real estate, if you must know. But it could be about salmon breeding or mechanised nutcracking or low cost rural car finance. And despite the unique platform and powerful branding and ground-breaking approach and professional standards and skills development and mentoring and coaching and added value each of the people working there will want to know where can they park and how many leave days they get and will feel unfairly assessed on their performance and complain about inadequate airconditioning and surf the Internet during work hours and have some unresolvable hang-up with at least someone in the office.

Van-die-os-op-die-jas, and you better believe it, because it's true, I once fell asleep while typing and awoke to the following on my laptop screen:
To facilitate a holistic approach to the value-adding exercise of formulating a true original vision, we fall asleep and then wake up thinking what the fuck.

1 comment:

  1. that's happened to me many times (not so much anymore now though - just for the record) but the best i cam up with was something along the lines of 'little fearie proele my hairie'...